Emptying my head

It's hump day. I'm glad. This has been a hectic week so far.

So anyway....what's on my mind?

Eh. I find it frustrating the way that friends slip away. I know that I tend to be very sensitive, I can't help it. But when it feels like I've done something wrong - well, it's hard to cope with. Maybe I shouldn't say done something wrong... disagreements with mutual friends that feel like they affect a close friendship ..suck.

I may be among the minority in that I take these internet friendships seriously. I really do. Maybe because if it weren't for them, I don't know if I would be here today. There are some callous people out there, really. It hurts. I'm not just a name on a screen. I'm really a lot more than that, and when I am treated as such, it is frustrating.

I shut down last night.

I feel bad. He was trying to be a friend - he's good at that. But I can't even really explain why this hurts so much. It isn't hormones this time. There is a distinct coolness that I feel from someone who was once a very good friend (and no - this isn't someone who is not a good friend, it isn't one of those situations, feeling that distance with this person really sucks).

I am looking forward to seeing Imaginary Boy again. You know I blush and smile each time I see him again? I really do. I feel a little silly, but I can't help it.

Anyway...
the bitch of the moment is: I am tired of being dismissed.
the smile of the moment is: I don't know, I'll see if I can find one by the end of the day.